Skip to content
Shut Up

The blog

Essays by Richard Dillon on listening, presence, and what changes when we stop trying to fix each other.

Quote card: “Who is driving, you or your past”
Presence

The eight-year-old still driving my car

How a childhood rule about never being late still ran Richard Dillon’s nervous system — and what happened when he made himself late on purpose.

Read →
Quote card: “Stop playing the blame game”
Relationships

Stop playing the blame game

“You marked the sofa” versus “I can see a mark.” How the difference between observation and blame, from Nonviolent Communication, changes a conversation.

Read →
Quote card: “Presence has to be provable”
Parenting

The promise that changed how my sons interrupted me

“Hang on buddy, I’m talking to someone.” What a son’s dipped shoulders taught Richard Dillon about proving presence to a child who interrupts.

Read →
Quote card: “People remember if you listened”
Relationships

What people remember after a difficult conversation

A furious customer, a pen, and no defence. What people remember after a difficult conversation — and why feeling heard matters more than being right.

Read →
Quote card: “Your body is already talking”
Presence

Your body is already saying it

“You’re not listening, are you?” How body language gives away distracted attention, and why it’s more honest to say when you can’t be present.

Read →
Quote card: “You’re not correcting them, you’re losing them”
Relationships

The quiet damage of needing to be right

At a dinner party, a small correction almost ruined a moment. Why choosing the person over the detail builds more connection than being right.

Read →
Quote card: “Silence isn’t empty, you just stopped trusting it”
Presence

We fill silence before it has a chance to say anything

When his son said he was “fine,” Richard Dillon wanted to fix it. Why staying silent one breath longer is often the most useful thing you can do.

Read →
Quote card: “You hear what you expect, not them”
Listening

You hear what you expect, not what is said

The 1990 “tappers and listeners” experiment shows how we hear the tune in our own heads. Why expectation distorts listening, and how to loosen it.

Read →
Quote card: “Stop trying so hard, let it arrive”
Listening

The real reason you're not listening is ego

“Let the uke teach you.” An Aikido lesson on why ego gets in the way of listening, and what it means to receive rather than lead a conversation.

Read →
Quote card: “You stopped listening before they finished”
Listening

The quiet habit that makes people stop talking to you

Jumping in with “I totally get that, I’ve been…” turns someone’s moment back to you. How this common habit makes people stop sharing.

Read →
Quote card: “Your advice is getting in the way”
Listening

Your advice is getting in the way

Why unsolicited advice so often leaves people feeling unheard, and what it takes to stay present without fixing. Richard Dillon on helping versus listening.

Read →
Colleagues around a meeting table, one speaking while the others listen
Leadership

Listening at work

The small moment in meetings when a team rushes someone to their point — and how that impatience shapes the quality of thinking at work.

Read →
A couple on a sofa mid-conversation, the woman with arms crossed as the man talks
Relationships

The cost of always having an answer

Certainty is rewarded at work, but in close relationships it can block intimacy and trust. Why “tell me more” often matters more than being right.

Read →
A teenage boy standing on a steep, root-covered forest trail
Parenting

When I stopped listening like a father

On a trip with his fifteen-year-old son, Richard Dillon stopped listening as a parent and started listening as an equal. What changed.

Read →
A copy of Shut Up by Richard Dillon on a desk beside a keyboard
The book

Why I Wrote Shut Up

Richard Dillon on why he wrote Shut Up: not because he had listening figured out, but because he noticed how often he was halfway to his reply.

Read →
A father and teenage son sitting side by side on a bed, talking
Presence

Learning to Listen With More Than My Ears

Listening isn’t only in the head. Richard Dillon on what Aikido taught him about listening with the whole body — and staying longer than feels comfortable.

Read →
Presence

New science showing phones still hurt our ability to connect

Research shows a phone on the table, even face down and silent, makes conversations feel thinner. What changes when you put it in another room.

Read →
Shut Up book cover

Go deeper with Shut Up

Richard Dillon’s book about the lost art of listening — why advice so often misses, and how to stay present with the people who matter. In paperback, hardcover, eBook and audiobook.

Buy now on Amazon(opens in a new tab)All stores and formats